A few things have been bothering me & on my mind the last few weeks. Not that I am going to call anyone out.
As I've grown up(wow I am a grown up! How'd I ever let that happen?), I have come to realize some things about "friends". I've learned there are lots of different types of friends a person can have. Lets go through the list of a few of them:
Bare with me, this blog is a long one ;)
The "Flaky Friend"
She’s skilled at making plans. Frequent texts, constant emails—she wants to hang out this weekend! She’s dying to catch up! But come Friday night, she bails. Or, even worse, she just ignores your calls. A few weeks later, she’s back in your inbox, apologizing for breaking the previous plan (Things got crazy) and wanting to set up another date, which she’ll inevitably miss. Her flakiness is not only frustrating, but it makes you feel bad about yourself. You’ll find yourself asking, “Is it me?” (It’s not.) Ditch the Flaky Friend, and clear your calendar for the friends who actually want to spend some quality time together.
The "User"
The user stands alone in how every step she takes is purposeful and deliberate….This friend can be enticing and charismatic and knows how to wheedle her way into one’s life and firmly entrench herself. She also has a hidden agenda and, to this end, considers what is best for her. You may have something she wants, needs to use or just be a convenience type of thing, your there & it's perfect timing for them to use you for the day, week or whatever. After that, it's like they never even knew you.
The "Discloser"
When you say to this friend, "This is just between us," she nods her head but unfortunately that promise will last only as long as it takes her to get to her phone or e-mail. Although there should be an assumption of confidentiality and trust between friends, this friend can't help herself. Telling this person a secret makes her feel vulnerable and uncomfortable. Like the game "hot potato," she has to pass the hot secret along to someone else in order to relieve the anxiety knowing the secret made her feel. There are also some Disclosers who simply have a big mouth. If someone you know has this personality trait, avoid telling her your innermost secret -- unless you don't mind if it's shared with the world.
The "Self-absorbed"
Certainly the Self-absorbed is a tamer type of negative friend than the Risk-taker. Still, especially over the long haul, a friend who does not make the time to listen to you will eat away at your self-esteem. For you to feel good about yourself, and for your friendship to thrive, you have to be more than a sounding board. The Self-absorbed does not care; she listens to you only because she is waiting to speak.
The "Promise Breaker"
This friend constantly disappoints you or breaks promises, most likely because she herself was constantly disappointed during her formative years. Your friend is unable to stop herself from repeating that pattern. It is an annoying but comfortable pattern for your friend, and without psychological help, it may be hard for her or him to alter this pattern. You could abandon the friend and the friendship, or you could find a way to detach yourself by lowering your expectations for this friendship. If she promises to do something for you, even to meet you for a cup of coffee, you can say, "Sure," but protect yourself by knowing, in the back of your mind, that this friend "nine times out of 10" is going to cancel on you.
The "Absentee"
You never see each other. You never hang out, and when you do manage to catch them, they spend the entire time on their phone, texting and tweeting. They only stay for a little while before rushing off to do something else... Effectively making you feel like you're not interesting enough for them... but you've been friends for years, so you let their behavior slide while passive aggressively texting another friend about them.
The "Compulsive Liar "
Everything this person says stinks of over exaggeration. It's like, they don't know how to have a conversation with you without trying to make you feel like your life is diddly squat compared to theirs. It doesn't do any good to point out when you catch them in a lie, either, because they'll just try to worm their way out of it.
The "Shit Stirrer"
This person loves drama. They start crap (intentionally or unintentionally) by saying things. Planting seeds. A favorite example of mine is that a few months back, a person and I were talking about a girl she knows and she says "Yeah, she doesn't like you." Well, I had met her once, for about five minutes, so I thought that was a rather harsh judgment. Later she admitted she never actually said that, but that he just assumed she wouldn't like me because we both have such strong personalities. Kind of makes me wonder what she says about me when I'm not around. If they gossip with you, chances are they will gossip about you. Something to think about.
The "I'm Bored"
No matter what, it's not enough for this person. I'm a relatively low key kind of girl. I'm not a big dancer or drinker (hey hey hey, ANYMORE!), I prefer to sit in a booth and talk to a couple of good friends rather than get Snooki-Making-Out-With-A-Bush wastey pants... but I have a few friends that find that sort of stuff disdainful. Which makes me wonder, if we can't have a good time having a conversation, why are we friends?
The "Fair Weather"
If things are going good in your life, this person is around 24/7. Maybe you have some extra money and they want to help you spend it. Maybe you have a new connection at a local bar. Or maybe you're just the most fun person ever. When things are good. However, when things get bad, your BFF is nowhere to be found. They can't handle broke you. Or sad you. Or when they have just found something a little more fun then hanging out with you.
The "Hopper"
This friend is one of those people who have a different best friend every day of the week. One week they are up your butt & the next they have a new BFF. Usually they come around when they have no one else left of everyone is busy & your the only one who has time. But watch out next week when they get a new boyfriend they have a new best buddy to go along with it. Forgetting that last week they were your bestie. Hopping from one friend to another must be exhausting, but some people make it a sport & do it like a pro!
Ahhhh ... "The Gossip"
I wanted to touch on this because this is probably the MOST common type of friend & we ALL have one in our lives. This person is just that, a gossip. Talks about everyone to you & tells you all the stuff they really shouldn't be telling you. They get excited when they have information & can't help themselves to blab someone's business to the world(or to just someone in general). Now, when you think about this person in your life(you are, aren't you) why is it we never assume they are talking about us the same exact way? Of course they are! My gosh! It has taken me awhile to get this theory through my thick head but I think I have finally caught on. The thing about this person & they are so unsuspecting. Flying below the radar, which is probably why we never really realized it to begin with. The people they gossip about are usually the ones who they claim to be BFF's with. They tell the tales one day & the next are buddy buddy with that poor individual who thinks they have a great friend on their hands ... Tsk Tsk Tsk.
The "Complainer"
We all have one of these. This person constantly complains about everything under the sun. Health, work, money, spouse, kids. I mean there is nothing unworthy of complaining about to this person. Pretty much a self pitty type of person who can't be happy unless there is something to fuss about.
The "do gooder does wrong"
This fun person does bad things & plays the part of the perfect person. They confide & tell things they have done or are doing, then play the "everything is wonderful" card. Pretty self explanatory.
The "Partier"
Party friends are all over the place. These are those girls(or guys) who are only your friend simply because you can throw back a few drinks together & get loud. If you were having a quiet night at home, I'm sure they'd find something more fun to do then sit on your couch & hang out.
Now these are just a few of the many types of friends that we should all AVOID at all costs. Sadly, I can admit that I know a few of these types & yep I sure do call them, dare I say it, friends.
I have come to the conclusion that most of the people that I once thought were friends of mine, actually are not. The did hold some purpose in my life but it wasn't to be a lasting & true friend. Though this makes me sad to even think, I believe it is for the best. My ventures have taken me new places & new things, hence new friends. Life outside of good ole Ruff Town is a lot different. It's funny once you leave a place, the people you knew seems to vanish into thin air.
Your now going through the list trying to figure out which one you are or have been, it's inevitable, we have ALL been one or more of these friends in our life at some point. No one person is exempt.
The concept "friends can still be friends & not speak every day". While I think this statement holds lots of truth. My belief is that you HAVE to put fourth the effort when it truly counts. The road to friendship square is a 2 way. There does have to be efforts on both sides, it can never be one sided unless your one of those pushovers who does it all, in which case you really can't complain about the other party not doing their part. I have friends whom I've known virtually my entire life & nope I sure don't speak to them daily, maybe not even weekly, but the thought remains that I know they are there when truly needed & hopefully the feeling is the same. This group is small a handful, but none the less I know they exist. But I don't agree that you can use this just to be a "sumatime" friend. We all get busy in hustle & bustle of everyday life & can't always remember to call or send a text to say hey, but when we do it counts. If you say we're friends then there should be some action showing it somewhere.
The last few months have been extremely hard for me. My dad passed away a few months back (Jan 9th) & as he died I started to see things through new eyes. Maybe it was him leading me, I don't know. Of all the friends(I thought I had), ONE friend stopped to see me. No she didn't call, she didn't text. She just came by, just to ask "how are you?" & to give me a much needed hug. (Maybe a parent passing away isn't a big deal to some, who knows. But it will be when it happens to them.) Ashley, was my one friend who came to see me. Yes we have had our fights & I have said some mean things to her & about her over the last decade. But the point was that she was there. I really didn't want to see anyone nor did I want to talk, but she gave me a hug & in that moment, I felt loved. For that I am grateful. Not saying that I didn't have those who called me, because I did & I appreciate those phone calls & talks. 2 days before my dad died I had emergency surgery, which made things a tad worse, because I was unable to spend that time with him & my family while I was in the hospital. After his death & I healed I ended up losing a close friend(no not in death, but friendship) & through that many hurts came. You would think through all the turmoil, a new & great friend would emerge from the ashes. But honestly, I was not looking for it. But I realized I do have some pretty awesome friends & this includes 2 sisters, a husband, 3 friends I've had for years & a couple I've known my whole life. That is more than I could ever ask for & I am really blessed to have them all in my life.
I myself have fallen guilty of these things many times. I do try to use my facebook for GOOD positive things. I do try NOT to blast people on there & to hold my tongue. I try not to talk about other people & I think I do ok doing it. Not saying that it never happens because like everyone else I am human & bound to make a mistake. But some people make it their soul purpose to talk about others, put others down, gossip & blast people, using their social networking connections in a way that is bad & to take a jab at someone else & then claim to be a christian or God fearing person. No judgement, just stating the facts here & to me that is just not something I want to be apart of.
When I think of the kind of woman I want to be things like this come to my mind:
I want to go to church(we do).
I want to be a GOOD decent wife, who doesn't cheat or mess around.
I don't take drugs, or pills & rarely ever drink.
I want to be a good mother to my child. No yelling & constant cussing or swearing around her.
I want to be a GOOD friend to those who I cherish. Be there when I can & lend an ear to listen.
Not run & tell everything I know about everyone to everyone.
Keep my house clean & pay my bills on time.
These are the things I TRY to do every single day. I live by a certain standard to keep myself in check.
I do get lazy & sometimes I don't want to clean(must be the hormones). I get mad at my husband & lose my temper. But never would dream of leaving him OR Alexa. Good wives & mothers just don't do that. I slip here & there & say things I am not supposed to, no excuse for it. I should have better self control. We are all imperfect. No doubt about it. But who do you try to live? Who are you trying to be & what kind of example are setting for your children? Just something to think about.
Ok enough on friends .. for now that is.
