A much needed summer from a cold winter ...
I say that now, but 32 weeks pregnant in this heat -- UGG!
Having a C-Section on August 10th & I will be a mom, yes how scary!
I can't wait to meet her, but I do have some worries about being a good mom to her.
On top of that, being a good wife, friend, sister, daughter, Christian, ect.
I hear all these stories about women who LIVE to be a mother. Of course you are one when you have children or atleast your supposed to act like you're a mom, but where does becoming a mom & losing yourself begin & end?
I want to be a mother, but I also want to be Ashley too.
The Ashley who ...
Loves music & her dog.
Who LOVES a Tom Collins with a splash of Grenadine.
Or the one who like to go to the movies during the day.
Misses her friends when she hasn't seen them in a week & that girl who loves to swim.
Singing along to the radio or in the shower.
Who laughs at jokes that are a day old & screams at the sight of spider.
Who isn't afraid to be herself!
Who fights with her heart & lives emotionally.
The girl who loves a camera ..
I want to be that girl I have always been, but a better version of course ;)
Having a husband who is more than I ever thought I deserved ... I can't put into words how lucky I am.
He balances me out & brings out the better in me.
Since being with him, I have calmed down & came down to Earth a little more.
We fight, we make up. We don't always see eye to eye, but that's what happens in relationships.
He lets me know everyday that he loves me in some way, even on his off days when the stress of life is a little to much to bare.
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I've learned the past year or two about letting go..
Well more less walking away.
"As she walks away, she hears the her old life whispering in the wind & she stops but doesn't look back because she knows she is strong enough to let go"
Being addicted to that lifestyle is dangerous. Once I realized that I have more to look forward to, it was all so clear. Having a family of my own one day & being a good person seemed so much better than drinking & partying all the time, I've had some good times, but nothing compared to the times that are facing me now.
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I'm still social & still love to talk to people, I'll never be someone who sits in a corner alone. I will always be loud & out going, but now I can do it in a better way or a more productive way.
Not being mad or upset when people try to get their jollys from trying to bring me down or by rubbing things in my face has been a challenge, but after a few years I've finally mastered it!
