Perfection? I think not.

We all have a standard of living that we expect people to meet. Although our views on what that might be vary from person to person, it is still there.

But what gives us the right to tell people how they should live? 

Why is it people constantly talk about other people, when their lives have nothing to do with each other?

Even if we THINK we know what is best, does that come with proof? Does it come with truth?

Pregnancy & parenting are the TOP the charts in my book.

If you DO NOT have kids or you are not pregnant -- keep your opinions to yourself no one likes to hear advice from people who don't know what they are talking about.

If your a new mom, rest assured you DO NOT have all the answers.

I have had TONS of people give me advice & tell me what they think is best for me & my child, but really have no idea.

I think my method of parenting is far from perfect -- FAR. But I am raising my child the best way I know how, with love.

Though it may not be the way everyone else does things or maybe it is, but who is to judge me for that? She is fed, healthy, clean, taken care of & loved -- is that not enough? No. To some, maybe more than most, there are things I do wrong. Why is it their business? It's simple -- it's NOT.

Vaccines, feeding & sleeping methods seem to be on the list of things I do wrong. 

I am constantly feeling like I have to defend my self & why I do things the way I do, well I am not doing it ANY more. 

Alexa had a doctors appointment today for her 6 month well visit & she is doing great! She is 14.1 pounds & as healthy as can be & I discussed with her doctor things that I have heard I SHOULD be doing & he assured me that NO I should not, because of her size, we are doing everything just fine. Not perfect, but doing good.

When someone chooses to have children, whether they are married or not, whether they have a job, a car, or own a house. No matter their relationship status, no matter how long they have known their partner -- how is ANY of that YOUR business? If it does NOT directly affect you in some way -- how about butting OUT? Please save the welfare talk for someone who cares enough to listen, because I have heard that same song & dance a million times before. If you get taxes back -- your not REALLY paying anyone's bill like you think ... just sayin'.

If someone works & they put into the system just like you do, well then you still aren't footing their bill, they are, right? I mean, get real -- it's life & that is the way the world turns.

If you don't live other people's lives so you really shouldn't care so much about what goes on in it. 

In the grand scheme of things, I bet all these judgmental people who claim to be so perfect & act like they have the perfect life, aren't so great & while the rest of the world lives here in reality, it will be a hard fall when those others get bumped off that high horse.

Alexa had her first professional portraits done by a wonderful photographer(no it wasn't me LOL ).

Megan Bumgarner is AWESOME! One of the best around, she has talent & poise. 

Look her up if you want portraits done!

 Being a mother is the best gift ever & having a daughter -- there is nothing like it! 

My Baby Girl 6 months old

Alexa is 6 months old!!!

Sitting up!

 Talking(mostly "dada" & "boo" or "ba" as she says it :)

Eats in her highchair like a big girl :)

Standing with assistance.

Making what Brian calls the bulldog face -- so stinkin cute!

Basically holds my heart in her hands & has her daddy wrapped around her itty bitty finger -- we are so blessed to be her parents!

Loves to play! 

Big beautiful eyes! :)

LOVES LOVES LOVES sweet potatoes lol

In her crib :)

Never was there such a beautiful thing until she was born.

Such a happy baby -- all the time!

I adore that face :)

:)

To the Moon: Why My Husband is My Hero

Inspired by my SIL, Stevie and her blog.

When I think about my marriage and why we tend to work, we don't JUST work, we WANT it to work.

Making it work is something different. In some lights you have to be compatible to the person whom your attached to, either by marriage, children or relationships in general.

Brian is the complete opposite of me. I mean complete opposite. He went to college.I didn't. He is smart, far smarter than me. Probably the smartest person I've ever met. He is just plain brilliant. Sometimes I am so scared that for some reason he'll leave me to find something better and I shut him out by accident(this is what I do when I feel threatened). He is simply great. Not by a stretch either. He meets the mark and exceeds everything I could have imagined. We fit well together. Having been together almost every second of every day for the past 3 years, we don't seem to "get tired" of each other. I have learned is that different things work for different people. I'm glad we don't have those bad moments to hold onto right now. Though we may some day down the road, but for now, I am thankful we don't.

We want the same things. We both knew when we met we wanted children and wanted to share that with each other. He wanted to be a father and wanted me to be his children's mother, a task I was thrilled to take on :) Now we have a BEAUTIFUL baby daughter! We have one and are super excited for more! He is a wonderful father. Always helping me, even if I don't ask he just does. Not just with Alexa, he helps with pretty much everything around the house, from dishes, trash, fixing things ect. Nothing is to good for him.

He does work everyday and strives to do the very best he can. Taking on a new job recently to fulfill his dream of becoming an Engineer. He'll be working an hour away, but he is doing it for our family. So that Alexa, our future children and me won't ever have to worry. I'd love him doing any job, as long as he did it with integrity and was happy doing what he wanted. He worked hard getting a Bachelor's, so HE deserves this. 

His since of humor is out of this world. He can make anyone laugh. He just has a way about him. People just tend to smile when he speaks, whether it's in good fun or just listening to him talk. he does it with such finesse. I wish I were more like him.

When I say opposite, you may not have gotten the real picture. We are different in every way possible. He hates confrontation. He is peace maker at heart and it kills him when there is any kind of drama going on. He doesn't understand why people are mean, hurtful and catty. He is my voice of reason. When I feel like I am going to do and say mean things, I turn to him. He says the right things and helps me to let go of any anger I am harboring. He always tells me things like:

 "it won't change anything" 

or

"I wouldn't worry with it" 

How does he keep such a calm and cool head? 

He is just put together different then most people. He doesn't stir the pot and his maturity level extends farther then most people his age. It's astounding really.

When I feel like screaming(or I actually am) he is right there telling me to hold on and it will all be ok. 

Why am I so blessed with him? 

I just thank God everyday for my life and all the blessings in it, I don't deserve it, but he still continues to bless me profusely. 

Nope, he's not perfect. But he is perfect for me. I never plan on leaving him. I know how good I have it and would never risk giving that away or putting my kids through that. 

We have our ups and downs, but the BIG difference is we don't let it drag us DOWN. We put our heads down and plow through it -- that is marriage. You can't throw your hands up and walk out when things don't go your way. You can't call names and lie. You have to be honest, open and willing to sacrifice for the ones you love. Caring for yourself, gets you no where, but caring for someone like him, do it and you can go 

to the moon and back with your own hero :)

Rest Easy

I was startled by the phone as it rang loudly and buzzed off the wooden coffee table. As it lit up I could see my sister’s name flash across the pearly white screen. Answering it, I greeted her with “Hey, sis …?”  Pausing, she answered “get down to Dads”. A few days before, we received the news that our father’s health was steadily deteriorating and he was not expected to survive the next week. 

It was raining, suiting the mood. Throwing on my shoes and grabbing a black zip-up hoodie, I headed for the door. As I ran out of the house many thoughts raced through my mind. I started to think of how I had spent the last few years and suddenly regretting not spending more time with him. Thinking of all the: “coulda”, “shoulda”, “woulda”, took up most of my drive and before I could blink I was pulling into his driveway.

I noticed the atmosphere outside the house seemed dreary, the ground muddy and cold. January’s climate was unforgiving this particular day, though I could not feel the sting of winter when I stepped out of the car. As I walked to the door I felt several chilly rain drops descend unto my neck from the pitch of the roof and saw my breathe escape into the air when I exhaled.  I caught a glimpse of my oldest brother’s car parked alongside the house; I could tell it had been there a while. I remember the sound of the screen door as I grasped the cool metal handle and pulled it open. 

Walking down the long corridor that meets the living room, it was easy to see clutter had taken over the house. There was no real collection, just random objects placed about. He loved estate sales and pretty much lived on Ebay. He was sitting back in a sandy-toned recliner and draped with a cherry-colored blanket. The smell of cigarette smoke consumed me along with the faint smell of my dad from a recent shower. Bluegrass was playing quietly from a radio placed near a book shelf filled with old Bibles and knick knacks. The subtle light illuminating the room came from a small lamp resting atop an end table.

As I visited with my siblings we reminisced about old times. For that brief moment, the reality of what was going on escaped me. I looked over at my dad and he was fiddling along with a bluegrass song was playing. In his state of deliria caused by the cirrhosis and the kidney failure he was enduring he had no clue what was going on. I went over to him and peered into his sapphire glazed eyes. With my sister standing beside me, he spoke. “I love you, girls, so much” Astonished, we both cried.

  At home, I jumped into a hot shower to rinse the stench of sadness away. A strange feeling came over me. I prayed. I prayed that God not let him suffer anymore. I told Him that I could not stand to see my Dad like that again. “Lord, please wrap him up in your arms, amen.” I slept. The phone woke me at 4:27 a.m. My heart felt like it was in my stomach. He was gone.

I’ll never forget his handwriting. He wrote in all capital letters, it seemed to just flow right out of his pen. Like him, my brothers shared the same penmanship. A tattoo he had on his arm, ridden with wrinkles and faded ink, I can still see it. Though it was partly grey and in need of a good cut he always had a full head of hair. Mostly I remember those last days, how blue his eyes seemed and the last conversation we had. A tear slowly made its way down his cheek, which I wiped away then laid my head on his shoulder one last time.

It’s been three weeks since my dad joined Jesus in Heaven and started dancing on white fluffy clouds floating alongside roads made of gold with light feet with a bright painless face. It’s been three weeks. I find myself thinking about every last detail of those last days he spent with us. Though I’ll never fully be healed from him leaving me so young, I know one day I’ll get to throw my arms around him and hug his neck. For now, I will use what I have learned and apply it to my life to honor him the best way I can. We love you and are missing you. In the words of my brother, “Rest easy, Dad”.

This is the Essay I wrote for the Anuran 2012. Entries due by Feb 24th.