My road to Motherdood ♥

As I prepared for motherhood, nothing could prepare me for what was ahead.

I was having a planned C-Section for a condition that I had, that would not allow me to give birth naturally. As we went forward & waited the arrival of our little angel on the 16th of August, things were falling into place :)

On the 13th, I was having some back pains & wasn't feeling good. I called the doctor & of course they assured me I was fine. I knew something was wrong, or different. The night of the 14th I had some light spotting & with P. previa I knew that was not good, so I went into the ER & was seen at the birthplace, I was checked out & sent home ... Again I knew something was wrong. I was in labor.

About 1:30 that morning, my eyes popped open & I thought to myself, my water just broke. I was only 37 weeks to the day. I nugged Brian & told him "I think my water broke" turn the light on. As he turned on the light to my horror .. It was blood & it was everywhere. Calmly I got out of bed & walked to the bathroom to get a towel. I got my purse, my phone & we jumped in the car & called 911, the hospital & the in-laws. I was in full labor & The baby was coming! Only I can't have her naturally ... So what now?

We met the ambulance in Bostic & the Paramedic was wonderful. He calmed me down, my blood pressure was throught the roof(probably due to my stress) it was 189/169. I could feel it, all I could say to him, was "I don't feel good" ... " I don't feel good" ... Once we got to the hospital I was rushed right into the the birthplace, they called the OR team & the doctor in & started preping me for an emergency c-section.

Alexa Spring Lawson was born 4:27 a.m. August 15th 2011.
At 6pds 10oz & 19inches long, this little princess has changed our world!

I was NOT ready, I was supposed to have one more day to prepare! No bags, no camera, no clothes .. NADA. So of her birth, there aren't many photos .. sadly :(

Brian's family was so wonderful -- they were there to make sure I was ok & the baby was safe  ♥

Brian got to come into the OR & watch our baby be born, he was so sweet. Although I don't remember much about the operation, I remember his face & I will never forget that. After recovery I was wheeled into my room & all I wanted was to hold my girl ...

As I looked down at her sleeping so peacefully, I just thanked God that I was alive, if He hadn't woke me up, I could have lost my daughter & my life .. I could have bled to death in just a few hours. I am so thankful for her, for my husband, my family .. for all the blessings in my life! Thank you, Jesus!

Nothing in this world worth having comes easy.

Now, taking care of a newborn is hard, taking care of a newborn AFTER surgery! Omg ... it's so hard. The pain ... I can't even begin to desribe that pain. They tell you "you'll be sore" they don't tell you that you feel like your dying from the pain!

The first few nights are the hardest, you think you'll just keel over from no sleep.

But it's gets better!

I love waking up with her in the early morning hours & putting her in the bed beside me & just watching her sleep. Watching her smile & feeling her little heartbeat next to mine. Laying her on my chest & thinking how can I ever be any happier  ♥

There is NO greater love. No animal, car, house, dimond ring, or amount of money can replace that feeling ... I love my husband more than words & we have this beautiful little girl, how can anyone NOT believe in God, when miracles like her exsist? How can anyone think their life is complete without experiencing this kind of love?

Thank you Brian Lawson for giving me so much, I love you!!

After pregnancy life is wonderful! I'm down 30 pounds in 2 1/2 weeks & have a little more to go! :)

Sweet Summer of 2011 ... A little bit of life, me the last 2 years :)

A much needed summer from a cold winter ...

I say that now, but 32 weeks pregnant in this heat -- UGG!

Having a C-Section on August 10th & I will be a mom, yes how scary!

I can't wait to meet her, but I do have some worries about being a good mom to her.

On top of that, being a good wife, friend, sister, daughter, Christian, ect.

I hear all these stories about women who LIVE to be a mother. Of course you are one when you have children or atleast your supposed to act like you're a mom, but where does becoming a mom & losing yourself begin & end?

I want to be a mother, but I also want to be Ashley too.

The Ashley who ...

Loves music & her dog.

Who LOVES a Tom Collins with a splash of Grenadine.

Or the one who like to go to the movies during the day.

Misses her friends when she hasn't seen them in a week & that girl who loves to swim.

Singing along to the radio or in the shower.

Who laughs at jokes that are a day old & screams at the sight of spider.

Who isn't afraid to be herself!

Who fights with her heart & lives emotionally.

The girl who loves a camera ..

I want to be that girl I have always been, but a better version of course ;)

Having a husband who is more than I ever thought I deserved ... I can't put into words how lucky I am.

He balances me out & brings out the better in me.

Since being with him, I have calmed down & came down to Earth a little more.

We fight, we make up. We don't always see eye to eye, but that's what happens in relationships.

He lets me know everyday that he loves me in some way, even on his off days when the stress of life is a little to much to bare.

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I've learned the past year or two about letting go..

Well more less walking away.

"As she walks away, she hears the her old life whispering in the wind & she stops but doesn't look back because she knows she is strong enough to let go"

Being addicted to that lifestyle is dangerous. Once I realized that I have more to look forward to, it was all so clear. Having a family of my own one day & being a good person seemed so much better than drinking & partying all the time, I've had some good times, but nothing compared to the times that are facing me now.

 

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I'm still social & still love to talk to people, I'll never be someone who sits in a corner alone. I will always be loud & out going, but now I can do it in a better way or a more productive way.

Not being mad or upset when people try to get their jollys from trying to bring me down or by rubbing things in my face has been a challenge, but after a few years I've finally mastered it!





House Progress!

The bathroom(Now keep in mind this room was MAUVE -- yuck).

I am in love with the light between the vases(I made them) :)

Gotta have flowers & candles!

$2 bucks in these Vases & so easy!

LOVE this light!

The Dining Room!

Flooring still has to be put down along with the floor molding(which matches the other wood trim).

Another vaes I made ... $4 in these.

It's came SUCH a long way! Still needs the flooring & window treatments. But yes, I am in love!

Stay tuned for more updates or check out my Facebook!

Materinty Photos!

This was JUST a thing we did for a student, but it was tons of FUN & I can't wait to do them again :)

There are TONS more -- find them on my Facebook!

More of an update! :)

As many of you know I had an ultrasound today (May 17th).

This ultrasound was LOOONNNGGG! almost 2 hours ...

I DO NOT have VASA! YAY! But I do have placenta previa & a UNIQUE Placenta placement(I have 2 -- how odd) even though rare, they do see this sometimes.

I will have a c-section at 37 weeks.

As for me, regular maternity doctors appt every 2 weeks instead of 4 & back to

MAHEC every 4 weeks for ultasounds.

I have several restrictions(No standing for long periods, no lifting, even heavy laundry baskets, sit often & several more). So the next few weeks should be FUN lol. Only 13 weeks left to go! :)

ARIEL IS DOING GREAT! Gaining wieght! A pound & a half already <3

Heart beat of 149 & all her limbs are measuring perfect :)

MOVING around ALL the time, even the tech said she was quite the stinker ;)

So over all it was a good day.

Tomorrow back to the reg doc for my sugar test & antibody screening for my RhoGAM(RH NEG). Oh the joy is being RH Neg blood type lol.

We GOT MOVED! Even though we aren't staying there just yet, we have one more room to paint & I can't be around the fumes :/ Sooo.. By the end of the week, we should be settling in!

Just an update on things :)

House stuff ...

We're coming along with the renovations, moving May 14th! :) 

CANNOT wait! 

Don't get me wrong, staying with Bonnie & Larry has been GREAT! 

They have been so good to us & I am SURE I will be over all the time anyways :)

But, it's going to be nice in our own house :)

Ariel's room is coming along too :)

It's so much fun to decorate a nursery.

We still have TONS to go & things will have to wait 

until after the move, sadly.

But nonetheless, I couldn't be more excited to be getting into 

the house we've worked so hard to get.

Bless my wonderful hubby -- he works on it ALL the time, all by himself.

I'm pregnant, so of course I can't do a lot of the work that needs to be done. He has help

on the weekends when people are off, but mostly he has done everything by himself.

I'm talking, installing sheet-rock, painting, new ceilings, plastering, wall paper removal, ect.

I'm so blessed that he does what he does for me.

Just a preview(dining room). This was AFTER a wall had been ripped out & the sheet-rock went up. He was mudding & taping at this point(stage 1). Stage 2 -- sanding & primer done. Stage 3 -- paint was going on the walls. The window, door & all floor molding had to be put back down after this(new floor first, not pictured here). You really can't see the new ceiling either. He has replaced 2 ceilings so far & they look amazing, especially comparing what they used to look like.

This is just ONE room. So he's worked really hard.

In other news :)

Ariel's Update

My second ultra sound gave some concerning information.

I was told that I could have Vasa Previa(if your not familiar with the term, please read up!)

I was also told she had a pretty common "cyst" on/in her brain or what they call a bright spot 

& a calcium deposit on her heart.

They assured me that they see these(cyst) 8:10 pregnancies & that they normally go away within week

24-28 weeks of gestation. I was a mess. Just to hear everything was all so scary.

So I had to have something  called a "Quad Screen" done. They test for all kinds of things, another 

I was told I would have to see a specialist in Asheville, basically a

a more in depth ultrasound with a better reading.

So I went, my first stop here was the geneticists -- this woman -- AMAZING!

She just talked with us for a minute & told me the results of my "Quad" screen ...

Everything came back FINE! :) Completely normal!

I can't tell you how great that was to hear. To know I had worried all that time for nothing, was just 

simply great! :) She had no worries about Ariel's over all health & her function. They do these screens

a precaution, but it's enough to scare you into oblivion!

Next stop -- ultrasound.

I had 2 technicians & an OB, all women :)

My techs were awesome! I was so comfy & not nervous. As they scanned my belly, 

we got to see Ariel moving around & it was just amazing.

She tells me that the "cyst" or bright spot, was GONE. Just like Dr. Pendelton said :)

Next she told me about her calcium deposit, basically what this is, is just they way tissue connects to

ventriclein the heart cavity. They see these 9:10 pregnancies. They are common.

This does not effect the way the heart function & they don't call it a defect. They just have to 

tell you they see these things. They check the heart brain & other major organs for all sorts of things.

Apparently, they are so common people have them & don't even know it until they have an 

MRI for some reason later on in life.

She is perfectly healthy in there :)

The OB came in(whom by the way I LOVE) & spoke with us for a long time

(the entire ultrasound itself was about an hour -- yes 

that is a long one! 

She did confirm I DO have Placenta Previa(a condition where the placenta is low lying).

Managed via c-section at 37 weeks.

She couldn't confirm, Vasa Previa(a condition concerning the cord & where it attaches to the 

placenta) just yet. The treatment for Vasa is more serious. 

I go back for another visit in a few weeks to see if they can get a better look & follow up

(because they can look different every time).  IF I have Vasa, I be admitted to the hospital at about

31 weeks & they will take her at 34 weeks via c-section. 

Either way, I'll have her between 34 & 37 week, it's a little scary only because she won't be "full 

term". I'm prepared for that, even though most doctors consider you full term at 37 weeks. But at 34 

weeks ... she might have to stay in the NICU for a couple days, depending on her size :( 

But it's wonderful to know she is going to be healthy & fine.

I feel SO blessed to be having her, I am already in love with her.

I have some pics I am going to add, but unfortunately I don't have my scanner with me here in 

Carrabelle. Check back soon for those!

Carrabelle & St. George Island, FL April 2011

Just a few pics from Carrabelle & St. George Island Beach.

We LOVE to travel & of course with Winter just passing you HAVE to go south ;)

We figured we'd better go on a vacation before little miss arrives at the end of July,

first of August, the renovations with the house & some other things going on  ...  it may be our last for a while lol.

So that is just what we did, we headed south to a new place to lay on the beach for a week,

For more pics from our trip, you can find them on Facebook! :)