I will carry you ..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2CnUtVY35o

 

I think I have problems ... But my troubles are just passing ones. I've never endured something like this. Knowing what the ending was going to be...

 

Thank you Lord for humbling me today.

 

 If you've not yet, I encourage you to read the blog behind this .. Bring the Rain or Audrey Caroline ... It's touching & beautiful.

 

The song "I will carry you" was written for this child by her mother & father. Her father, Todd, is a member of the band Selah. 

This song means something to me, I think of God carrying me through the hardships & long after the cradle years & through the long roads ahead. But if He brings me to it, He WILL bring me through it.

Amen,

When you realize your blessed...

After struggling with the weeks heartache & becoming immune to harsh words & comments by others I went on to my weekend.

I had 3 shoots to do(a wedding & 2 maternity sessions).  Saturday was like any other. I arrived at the church to start shooting the befores. I realized while shooting the bridesmaids in the bridal suite, that I was truly meant to do this. It came so natural. With the posing & the laughing with them, it was very clear to me.

I was so excited to be apart of that. The church was a BEAUTIFUL place setting.. The prettiest church I had ever been too. It was breathtaking. I REALLY felt the Lord there.  The ceremony was kind & loving & honest.

I didn't know if it was the fact that this was my FIRST church wedding or the fact that I had, had a rough week, but I really felt blessed to be there.

There were no words of hate, no judging, no hypocrisy. It was real honest worship before the Lord.

I no I have never been the perfect Christian, or the perfect follower. But I know that God made me imperfect just like He did everyone else.

While I had my head bowed in prayer for the Lord, it dawned on me that people who claim to be Follower's of Jesus Christ were in fact the very ones throwing stones & gossiping. But I wasn't upset with their childish, radical behavior. Because I knew, that they aren't perfect either. So I overlooked it. Although it hurt & cut deep into my heart, there was nothing to be done, nothing to say. It also dawned on me to forgive those who participate in such things & to pray for them. As they needed it more than I. Finding that place where, your ok with words & actions of those imperfect others takes a while. You can't go looking for it. You have to become ok with yourself & understand that not everything is meant to be understood.

I was so excited to get home & look at what I might have gotten on camera :) After looking through a bout 20 of the 500 I took, I realized, wow -- these really are good! Thank you Jesus!! 

Waking up for my maternity shoots -- I was nervous. I had never done one before & wanted to do a great job. Having doubts about my gift & it was meant for me to be doing this, well those fears were slowing disappearing. I had been paid for the weeding & was about to make the rest of my paycheck doing what I love. The wedding was the same as I requested in price. I was happy with that :)

After getting done with the first shoot, we were walking back to the cars & they asked me if I preferred cash -- I of course replied yes. They handed me the money & left. After they drove away I was on the phone with my husband & thumbed through the cash & realized they had given 50 dollars over the amount I was expecting. What a wonderful surprise. My 2nd shoot was for a very dear friend of mine & couldn't have been happier to be apart of this with her! After having a great shoot, talking & catching up I followed them to the ATM. Brian handed me two 5 dollar bills to give them back for change. As I walked up to the window we spoke for a moment & she handed me some folded money. I went to give her the two 5's & she said no no, you keep it & then I thumbed through the money she had given me & much to my disbelief she had given me another 50 dollars over the price of the shoot. I was shocked, again! Tears welled up in my eyes as I asked why? She just simply said we want to do that for you, it's your Sunday & you worked hard & we had a great time. 

As they drove away after we said our goodbyes, I felt so very blessed, this was the Lord taking care of me & reaffirming me that this was what I was meant to be doing & that he was going to take care of me. He wasn't going to let me fall. 

When you realize how blessed you really are, everything else just seems to fade away. You go somewhere new, where you feel worth while again & pieces of your soul slowly start coming back. You meet people, regardless of the length of time you known them, you know you have a friend in them, that God has placed them in your life for a reason & removed the others for reasons as well.

Reminds me of a video I was once showed(a few years ago) by a woman had been involved in some of the gossip towards me. It a video by a Church who performs Lifehouse's Everything Skit. A touching & powerful video which has been ringing true to me these last few days. I have felt the way the girl in the video has, I've also been saved by the Lord & he has never let go of my hand. Despite my flaws & my imperfections He still loves me ♥ It's just ironic how things work out.

                                          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA

 

No matter what people say or what they do, I am still me & I am blessed. 

Cyber Bullying & All It's Glory

Believe it or not, kids are not the only victims of cyberbullying. Adults can just as easily become prey to vicious internet attacks. Cyberbullying involves anyone who is targeted maliciously through any form of electronic access. Cyber bullies are simply cowards because they get to hide behind their hurtful words and anonymous user names. You'd think your high school days were behind you, along with all of the immaturity and hurtful teasing. Unfortunately, the www has a way to take bullying to the next level. The following steps will give you some tools in fighting against this faceless form of bullying.

There are adult groups dedicated to harassing and defaming others as well, along with websites created online specifically to make fun of and demean individuals. These people can be found in communities linked to blogs, Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and chat rooms and sometimes they use the disguise of “anonymity” to harass their prey. Sometimes, these bullies will take their online squabbles offline and press people online to harass their prey's family and friends. Sending emails or making calls. Making true & untrue comments about private information. Anything to demean the other person.

***THE LAW***

Perhaps in response to news reports of teen suicides blamed on embarrassing and/or insensitive web postings, I have been fielding a fair number of calls about North Carolina’s cyberbullying statute. The statute, G.S. 14-458.1, was enacted in 2009 and applies to offenses committed on or after that date. S.L. 2009-551, sec. 3.

Subsection (a) sets out the elements of the offense. A person is guilty of cyberbullying when he or she uses a computer or computer network to do any one of the following things:

(1) with the intent to intimidate or torment

(a)       builds a fake profile or Web site;

(b)       poses as a minor in an Internet chat room or electronic mail or instant message;

(c)       follows a minor online or into an Internet chat room; or

(d)       posts or encourages others to post on the Internet private, personal, or sexual information

(e)       plants any statement, whether true or false, tending to provoke or that actually provokes any             third party to stalk or harass

The offense is a Class 1 misdemeanor if the defendant is eighteen or older at the time of the offense. G.S. 14-458.1(b). If the defendant is under eighteen, it is a Class 2 misdemeanor. Id. The statute provides for discharge and dismissal of charges against defendants under eighteen, in certain circumstances, and for expunging the record if discharge and dismissal is ordered. G.S. 14-458.1(c)

A snapshot of some of my experience with Cyber Bullying.

 

I'm not sure if it can be well read here or not. But if you can read the text -- the message is pretty clear.

I've also got many emails & other comments that I have saved that is defaming my character & slandering my name. This goes back to the middle of last year so it's a pretty hefty amount of things. Taking action against this type of thing will be a lengthy process, but it can & will be done.

I took this snapshot to try & raise awareness about this. I want people to know that this sort of behavior is going on. Of course I have smuged out the names of these individuals.

Raise awareness about this!

How to try & prevent this:

1. 1
   Cyberbullying involves posting mean comments, spreading rumors and lies, and humiliating or attacking someone without their consent. If you want to stop this malicious behavior in it's tracks, don't forward hateful emails or content to your friends. Forwarding this type of information will feed into it.
2. 2
   If you receive a hurtful and harassing form of electronic content toward another person, whether you know the person or not, reply to them and let them know cyberbullying is hurtful. Explain to them that the person being attacked could easily be a close friend or family member and that you're pretty sure their loved ones would be outraged; not to mention the person being attacked. Some say it's best not to respond to the bully since that's exactly what they want. This may be true, however if you respond only once to everyone receiving the email from the cyberbullying, reminding them they are causing more harm by forwarding the hurtful email on, it might send a strong message.
3. 3
   Block, report, and flag any and all content by a cyber bully. This sends a strong statement that you won't condone this type of  behavior, nor can your sense of right and wrong be penetrated by feeding into it for the sake of a good laugh. Adults are just as vulnerable as teenagers when it comes to cyberbullying. They too will second guess themselves and assume they are a joke. No one is immune to the effects of cyberbullying, not even adults.
4. 4
   Sometimes, if you're lucky, you may be able to click on the cyber bully's user name and find a link to some of their information. This information may include their website and even place of work. If a cyber bully feels they have a right to victimize and humiliate a perfectly good stranger, I don't see why that perfectly good stranger can't write a letter to the cyber bully's place of work and let them know what type of person they have employed at their business by informing them of their cruel cyber bully activities. Letting their place of work know they will be losing future business until the employee in question is no longer a part of their establishment might send a message.
5. 5
   When you deal with cyberbullying, you need to look at the deeper root of the issue and realize that the bullies are simply trying to get a rise out of you. Don't let them have the control by overreacting. Instead, find a way to fight back in a calm and focused manner.
6. 6
   There are great online resources you can go to find helpful information in dealing with cyberbullying such as the National Crime Prevention Council. Finding or even creating a support group of people who have experienced cyberbullying can be a great outlet, not to mention a positive way to brainstorm ideas to prevent cyberbullying and promote these ideas in local schools and places of work.
7. 7
   Pressure your government by writing your congressmen to put in place protective measures toward victims of cyberbullying. Suggest ideas that will enforce accountability to those who threaten or harass others online.
8. 8
   Cyber bullies rarely think of the consequences of their actions. Often they will assume there aren't any consequences due to the anonymity of the internet. Little do cyber bullies know, there are ways to fight back and bring them down. Whether it be through filing a complaint through the website or blocking their destructive actions through email, there are ways to make their bullying much more difficult. Stay strong and stand up to the cyberbullying cowards of the internet!
9. 9 Contact the authorities! Don't let it go unnoticed! Some states have laws against this & it is punishable.

*LoVe* He is here for me when I need him ...

I will love you ...

I will be yours until the end of time ...

Bright like the sunshine that beams from the sky is your smile.

 You make me smile ...

God has blessed me with you ...

 The "HOLLYWOOD KISS"

 What the Lord sees when he looking down upon us...

Never to be left alone again ...

He's taller than me ♥  

You may not know why I love him or why he loves me, but it's not for understanding..

I would walk anywhere with you ...

Love has no fear.

Ever wonder who is looking?

This is a snap shot taken from my stats page. The arrow indicates where the links are located & on the right over there are the amount of times it has been viewed.
If you click the "more" button on the right, it will show you more of those links(if there are any to show). I of course blurred out the links but you get the point.

After messing with my blog (trying to find or make the right template) I noticed something very cool about blogspot :)

Blogspot will show you the links in which people are accessing your page :)

It will also show you how many times it was viewed by that link.

It breaks it down into groups; Facebook, Google, Blackberry, Mobile, Touch, ect.

I have only written 2 or 3 blogs & already have almost 400 views!!! That's awesome, I guess more than the 5 followers I have are interested in my blogs :)

Just thought I would pass that info along.

A day NOT to remember ... What defines you?

After a ever most event-full day, I figured I was due a blog anyways so why not?

**This is a PUBLIC BLOG -- I am aware that unwated viewers may find themselves here to read my thoughts, so if you don't like something I wrote or write here, please feel free to remove yourself from this page, you have the back arrow, the address bar or the red X -- thanks**

After stumbling upon the endless stream of snide comments & remarks about me, I thought to myself; "Lord, why?" I just don't understand some people. I let it rest. But some Oh so very caring friends & family of mine weren't going to be so nice..

Seemed like the day drug on forever, with a few troubles before 7 a.m. and the ones that carried out the day -- I thought honestly this was the world ending because it seemed so long.

I felt like my entire world was a storm with the wind and all the moments of my life circling me in slow motion. With no where to go & nothing to say... You feel defeated when you stand by & let things happen. But whats the point in fighting it all? Would that make me as low as they?

It's funny people get onto other people for doing the VERY same thing that they are guilty of.

Does it get on your nerves when someone NEVER takes responsiblity for their actions, when they think they are always right?

Ask yourself this question: When was the last time you HONESTLY made fun of people? I'm thinking of your any age around or over mine, your answer should be high school, a few years ago, teeny bopper years ... But as adults aren't we supposed to cling to the vitrue of not making fun of others? Or is that the value in which we are instilling in our children? If so then I am TERRIFED for that generation.

What does a "Christain" mean to you? When you fix that little box on your profile from nada to "Christain" or any other religion, what does it mean? Dropping the "F" word left & right? Bashing other people, calling them "FAT" or "UGLY" or both? What about the "pages" we become fans of? Does that not go in to consideration either or are we all just a bunch of hypocrites? What does prayer mean? I can say I prayed & then turn around a drop cuss bombs & drink & party all night & gossip, so what does that make me? I don't drink, or party all night. I don't sit on FB & gossip all the time & certainly I do not cuss like a sailor & slam other people all day, have I -- of course, but I don't practice this daily... Just saying.

VANDALISM -- here is a definition of the term who may have it confused:

"willful wanton and malicious destruction of the property of others."

Having been a victim of this, I just have to say -- who would stoop SOO low? I am sure you're saying to yourself that it would be terrible to have it done to you, but why do some people think it's ok to do it to others? I would never do that to ANYONE. It's petty, childish & just plain spiteful.

Using the word "HATE" when referring to someone ... It's a strong word, I certainly do not use it towards people, mostly just for mushrooms & olives.

Friendship.

I think some people are confused about the definition of this word as well.

How long does someone have to know you, before they can call you a friend? Month, week, years, a day .. Who knows. But I can say this -- I friend is not defined by the time known, but the quality of the time spent. I have SOME VERY good friends, some I've known years(all my life or other long periods of time). Some I've know a few months, weeks & days. I'm farely certain a person doesn't have to know someone's ENTIRE life story before they say "Ok -- I'll be your friend". That isn't a requirement of most. Friendship should come naturally & easily. And it should be 50/50. Sometimes, you may have to go farther to help a friend out or they may come to you, but in the end you both know what a true friend is supposed to do.

I have to say, of all the people to come into & leave my life, the ones leaving are for the best. There is a reason God removes them from my life as a whole & leaves the friendships He wants for me.. Everything is already PREPLANNED by Him, so why fight it. He already knows what is going to happen. So I trust Him & the people He chooses for me. I have some really truly amazing best friends (Amy, Holly, Brandy, Laurel, Amanda, Summer) I love them with all my heart & couldn't imagine my life without them in it.

Enimies ...  I pray for them. Matthew 5:44 --"But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" ... Luke 6:27 --"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you" ...

---

1 Thessalonians 5:15-- "Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else."

No one wants people to not like them, but I guess not everyone will be your best friend either.

Of course I know some may think of this as an act of retaliation ... this is a blog & these are my thoughts & I don't think I have been unkind or mean or vicious.

All my life I've wanted a job I love -- I've always loved photography, so finally I am getting the chance to do that & without a doubt I am the happiest I have ever been. That is until Madusa showed up..

I've been called  lots of names today here are the few I can remember: cheater, liar, theif, fat(I didn't know 130 lbs was fat), cheap, crazy, monster. I am sure there were more but off the top of my head that is what I can remember at the moment. It's been said I have evil plots & that people should think twice before being my friend. I lie so much it's hard to keep up. I never tell the truth. I'm the one to blame for everything that goes on. The list if this was endless. Not one time have I responded or said anything back, as I am trying to turn over a new leaf. But these names I am being called are by the people who claim to be the innocent one's & Christain's. So what is wrong with this picture? Should I be exploding on people or keeping my cool?  How many times can you honeslty turn the other cheek? Everyone who knows me, knows the old Ashley, well she wouldn't have been so nice. But I've become much softer over the year & I don't see much point in it.

So I do the only thing I know to do .. So I PRAY.

Jesus bring the rain!

With everything I've been through in my life, all that I've learned, I'm still asking Jesus for help. My life hasn't been all farts & rainbows, it's been HARD. I've cried, made mistakes, laughed, hurt & been hurt. I've experinced a whirl wind of emotions the last 24 years. I've learned to let go & hang on at the same time. I've made new friends & kept old ones. I've learned that my nitch IS IN photography & that I am pretty good at it, which appearantly bothers other to no end. I have been blessed. But it's not always been clear to me.

I've got a husband who LOVES me for ME. Who in my distress held me & was there even when he didn't have to be. He never questions that. He's incredibly smart with 2 degrees. He puts me ABOVE everyone else & never lets me down. He doesn't yell, drink or party, but we HAVE tons of fun. We don't have to be drunk & live that way. We've found other ways to have a great time :) We have some pretty good friends & couples to hang out with(Laurel & Roger, Amanda & David, Jamie & Monica, Josh & Andrea, Amy & Mike, Holly & Kevin, Brandy & Chris). Who are ALL great people. I have the BEST friends a girl could want. I have the BEST in-laws. They take care of each other & show us how marriage is supposed to be. They raised their boys right & didn't miss a beat getting them an education.

Nope it's not perfect & it can be a challenge sometimes, but God didn't promise me that it would always be easy. He just said he would hold my hand through it all.

I'm starting to wonder if Facebook is the Devil himself ... Seems to be where most of the drama emerges from.

A song that has helped me get through all this:

Jeremy Camp.

Scattered words and empty thoughts
seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
seems I don't know where to start
but it's now that I feel Your grace falls like rain
from every fingertip, washing away my pain

I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
even when I don't see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind
with promises I still seem to bear
even when answers slowly unwind
it's my heart I see You prepare
but its now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
from every finger tip, washing away my pain

I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
even when I don't see, I still believe


The only place I can go is into your arms
where I throw to you my feeble prayers
in brokeness I can see that this was your will for me
Help me to know You are near

On a closing note ...

Where would we be without Facebook, MySpace, Twitter ...