To the Moon: Why My Husband is My Hero

Inspired by my SIL, Stevie and her blog.

When I think about my marriage and why we tend to work, we don't JUST work, we WANT it to work.

Making it work is something different. In some lights you have to be compatible to the person whom your attached to, either by marriage, children or relationships in general.

Brian is the complete opposite of me. I mean complete opposite. He went to college.I didn't. He is smart, far smarter than me. Probably the smartest person I've ever met. He is just plain brilliant. Sometimes I am so scared that for some reason he'll leave me to find something better and I shut him out by accident(this is what I do when I feel threatened). He is simply great. Not by a stretch either. He meets the mark and exceeds everything I could have imagined. We fit well together. Having been together almost every second of every day for the past 3 years, we don't seem to "get tired" of each other. I have learned is that different things work for different people. I'm glad we don't have those bad moments to hold onto right now. Though we may some day down the road, but for now, I am thankful we don't.

We want the same things. We both knew when we met we wanted children and wanted to share that with each other. He wanted to be a father and wanted me to be his children's mother, a task I was thrilled to take on :) Now we have a BEAUTIFUL baby daughter! We have one and are super excited for more! He is a wonderful father. Always helping me, even if I don't ask he just does. Not just with Alexa, he helps with pretty much everything around the house, from dishes, trash, fixing things ect. Nothing is to good for him.

He does work everyday and strives to do the very best he can. Taking on a new job recently to fulfill his dream of becoming an Engineer. He'll be working an hour away, but he is doing it for our family. So that Alexa, our future children and me won't ever have to worry. I'd love him doing any job, as long as he did it with integrity and was happy doing what he wanted. He worked hard getting a Bachelor's, so HE deserves this. 

His since of humor is out of this world. He can make anyone laugh. He just has a way about him. People just tend to smile when he speaks, whether it's in good fun or just listening to him talk. he does it with such finesse. I wish I were more like him.

When I say opposite, you may not have gotten the real picture. We are different in every way possible. He hates confrontation. He is peace maker at heart and it kills him when there is any kind of drama going on. He doesn't understand why people are mean, hurtful and catty. He is my voice of reason. When I feel like I am going to do and say mean things, I turn to him. He says the right things and helps me to let go of any anger I am harboring. He always tells me things like:

 "it won't change anything" 

or

"I wouldn't worry with it" 

How does he keep such a calm and cool head? 

He is just put together different then most people. He doesn't stir the pot and his maturity level extends farther then most people his age. It's astounding really.

When I feel like screaming(or I actually am) he is right there telling me to hold on and it will all be ok. 

Why am I so blessed with him? 

I just thank God everyday for my life and all the blessings in it, I don't deserve it, but he still continues to bless me profusely. 

Nope, he's not perfect. But he is perfect for me. I never plan on leaving him. I know how good I have it and would never risk giving that away or putting my kids through that. 

We have our ups and downs, but the BIG difference is we don't let it drag us DOWN. We put our heads down and plow through it -- that is marriage. You can't throw your hands up and walk out when things don't go your way. You can't call names and lie. You have to be honest, open and willing to sacrifice for the ones you love. Caring for yourself, gets you no where, but caring for someone like him, do it and you can go 

to the moon and back with your own hero :)

Rest Easy

I was startled by the phone as it rang loudly and buzzed off the wooden coffee table. As it lit up I could see my sister’s name flash across the pearly white screen. Answering it, I greeted her with “Hey, sis …?”  Pausing, she answered “get down to Dads”. A few days before, we received the news that our father’s health was steadily deteriorating and he was not expected to survive the next week. 

It was raining, suiting the mood. Throwing on my shoes and grabbing a black zip-up hoodie, I headed for the door. As I ran out of the house many thoughts raced through my mind. I started to think of how I had spent the last few years and suddenly regretting not spending more time with him. Thinking of all the: “coulda”, “shoulda”, “woulda”, took up most of my drive and before I could blink I was pulling into his driveway.

I noticed the atmosphere outside the house seemed dreary, the ground muddy and cold. January’s climate was unforgiving this particular day, though I could not feel the sting of winter when I stepped out of the car. As I walked to the door I felt several chilly rain drops descend unto my neck from the pitch of the roof and saw my breathe escape into the air when I exhaled.  I caught a glimpse of my oldest brother’s car parked alongside the house; I could tell it had been there a while. I remember the sound of the screen door as I grasped the cool metal handle and pulled it open. 

Walking down the long corridor that meets the living room, it was easy to see clutter had taken over the house. There was no real collection, just random objects placed about. He loved estate sales and pretty much lived on Ebay. He was sitting back in a sandy-toned recliner and draped with a cherry-colored blanket. The smell of cigarette smoke consumed me along with the faint smell of my dad from a recent shower. Bluegrass was playing quietly from a radio placed near a book shelf filled with old Bibles and knick knacks. The subtle light illuminating the room came from a small lamp resting atop an end table.

As I visited with my siblings we reminisced about old times. For that brief moment, the reality of what was going on escaped me. I looked over at my dad and he was fiddling along with a bluegrass song was playing. In his state of deliria caused by the cirrhosis and the kidney failure he was enduring he had no clue what was going on. I went over to him and peered into his sapphire glazed eyes. With my sister standing beside me, he spoke. “I love you, girls, so much” Astonished, we both cried.

  At home, I jumped into a hot shower to rinse the stench of sadness away. A strange feeling came over me. I prayed. I prayed that God not let him suffer anymore. I told Him that I could not stand to see my Dad like that again. “Lord, please wrap him up in your arms, amen.” I slept. The phone woke me at 4:27 a.m. My heart felt like it was in my stomach. He was gone.

I’ll never forget his handwriting. He wrote in all capital letters, it seemed to just flow right out of his pen. Like him, my brothers shared the same penmanship. A tattoo he had on his arm, ridden with wrinkles and faded ink, I can still see it. Though it was partly grey and in need of a good cut he always had a full head of hair. Mostly I remember those last days, how blue his eyes seemed and the last conversation we had. A tear slowly made its way down his cheek, which I wiped away then laid my head on his shoulder one last time.

It’s been three weeks since my dad joined Jesus in Heaven and started dancing on white fluffy clouds floating alongside roads made of gold with light feet with a bright painless face. It’s been three weeks. I find myself thinking about every last detail of those last days he spent with us. Though I’ll never fully be healed from him leaving me so young, I know one day I’ll get to throw my arms around him and hug his neck. For now, I will use what I have learned and apply it to my life to honor him the best way I can. We love you and are missing you. In the words of my brother, “Rest easy, Dad”.

This is the Essay I wrote for the Anuran 2012. Entries due by Feb 24th.

Another year gone by

As this year comes to a close & we get ready to start another one I can't help but to recap all the events of 2011..

I found out I was pregnant on January 2nd, at that moment my life would never be the same. I always knew I wanted kids, I just didn't know when. Having a baby changes everything. I know everyone says that, but you don't really understand WHAT that means until you experience it for yourself. You give up your freedom, your mind, your body. You trade your space & your sleep. You neglect your social life & your spouse. But, what you get in place of all that ... is SO worth it. You get to hold a precious child close to your heart everyday. You get to watch a miracle grow from the start. When that baby wraps its tiny little finger around yours for the first time ... words can't describe that feeling or when it looks up at you & you know that it knows your their mom(or dad), your heart is suddenly filled with warmth & sheer happiness. You act like a kid again at Christmas & instead of showing yourself off, you get to show a beautiful baby off & have people comment on how cute they are. You think more of your family & stop being selfish. You suddenly realize how mean you can be & start being more humble. I could not ever imagine NOT having Alexa ... She is my whole world. When I think if not having her, my heart aches in places I didn't know existed. Being a parent is such an honor & gift.

Alexa Spring <3

"Is happier than a turtle on an escalator" <--- my status on Facebook when I found out :)

2011 proved to be a very hard year, but also the greatest!

I've learned to let go in the year 2011. Letting new arguments dies to save old friendships has been hard, yet rewarding thing for me.I've been friends with Ashley for about 10 years now & over the last 2 1/2 we've had our fair share of what I'll call love spats. .  Though we both felt justified in our disputes, we over came those feelings & somehow got past it all & now are getting back to being as close as we once were. Though we may never be the same, we're in a new place, a more honest place & I'm so happy to have her back in my life. When you fight with someone & say hurtful things, you never know that those things may come back to haunt you & the things you say, can never be unsaid. You have to live with those words for the rest of your days. It's a hard thing to change who you are. I've always been out spoken & blunt(I still am for the most part), but this past year I learned to pause for reaction & really think about my word choices. No I can't always say the right thing or know what to say. But I am getting better & for that I am thankful.

Her daughter Addyson(right) with my daughter Alexa(left) <3

There is a 2 1/2 year difference here lol

I'm a born thinker, I read a lot into things & tear things apart to see what stuff means. I over analyze everything & put thought into pretty much everything I say, say, or do. I learned new things about people. I learned that people will use their children as weapons. They'll use them to punish you. Not realizing in the end, the children are the ones who are actually punished. I learned more about what being "GODLY" means. Just because someone goes to church & quotes scripture, daily, does NOT mean a hill of beans if they don't live by it. Hypocrites are everywhere, even in church sadly. I learned with some, you have to REALLY watch what you say. Even if that means biting a hole through your tongue. Although I think some just go around looking for a reason to be mad. I learned that marriage is work & not everyday all day is going to be perfect.

Relationships don’t work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won’t they, and then they finally do and they’re happy forever — gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren’t right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced, anyway. And I’m telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven’t. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don’t care, cause I do believe in it. Bottom line… couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don’t let it take ‘em down.

Brian & I in October 2011.

 Est 4/28/09. Some said we wouldn't make it, some said pretty ugly things about us ...

Say what they will, we're still here & going strong. I love him to the moon & back.

After all the time that has passed from the past, I still find people talking about things that "were". Why is still a mystery to me. I don't get it & probably never will. I had a breakthrough moment not to long ago about this &  this is what I came up with:

I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as your opinion. Pay attention. Lemme see, uhh…. Low-carb diets. Michael Moore. The Republican National Convention. Kabbalah and all Kabbalah-related products. Hi-def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hot spots, ‘The O.C.’, the U.N., recycling, getting Punk’d, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys. Jeff, that Wiggle who sleeps too darn much! The Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show host, Justin Beiber, the Kardashians Oh! And Hugh Jackman. Now, don't take this as a sign of self involvement, I truly do not care an ounce about these things listed above -- NOTE: I care as little about your opinion as I do these things. There are tons of things that aren't hear that I love, that have nothing to do with me such as: chocolate, Christmas, Alexa(that is a given), sarcasm, FACEBOOK(BWAHAHAHA), friends, laughing hysterically at idiocy, rambling, blogs ... you catch my drift. No really, enough with the ranting, I just stopped caring. Though when people say things & post things on Facebook or MySpace about me that has absolutely NOTHING to do with them, still can hurt my feelings, but I've just given up all together with caring. It takes to much energy. There are actually many things in life that I’ve yet to figure out, like why men wear cellphones on their belt when they could so easily fit them in their pocket mere millimeters away. Or why – women wear tube-tops even though every ten seconds they pull them back up. But, of all my endless queries, I will always wonder why people are so judgmental. Why they care so much about things that have nothing to do with their small existence. Why they tend to talk about people & critique their every move, though in the end - now listen up, this is important - it does not affect them nor will it ever play any type of role in their life *sigh* I guess it gives them some kind of self worth to make others feel as small as humanly possible. 

With all the bad, I still have so much to be thankful for. I do have some pretty great friends who are there for me every step of the way. Some old :) Some new :) Regardless of the time known, it's about the time spent!

Laurel & I (Friends for a decade!) 

Amber holding my baby :) Been friends for years(she is 38 weeks pregnant with her son Koltan here)

At my shower :) Autumn & I have been friends since 6th grade! A whopping 15 years .. I'm old LOL

Jamie & I(She is 17 wks pregnant here with her daughter Ali). I've known Jamie about 4 years I think .. Not great friends at first, but it's funny how time brings you close with people. 

Awww, my Summer :) Just after Alexa was born. I love this girl!

Laurel & Lex

So much has happened over this past year. I learned my father was in full liver failure. I've haven't seen my mom Since August of 2010, my brother moved to Kansas for the Army. My other brother & his wife Stevie had a baby girl(just a few months old then Lex!). My grandmother passed away while I was in the last stages of my pregnancy & because I was high risk I could not go with the family to see her, leaving me devastated. I almost lost my baby & my own life on August 15th -- the scariest moments of my life hours before my emergency c-section. I registered for school to finish my Surg Tech degree. My uncle passed away from cancer. We moved into our own house, finally! I gained 60 pounds & lost 55 of it, all in just 10 months. Traveled to Carrabelle FL & to the Bahamas -- both while I was pregnant. Became a mother of a beautiful baby girl August 15th @ 4:27 a.m. Celebrated our first wedding anniversary as new parents. Found some new hobbies & let go of old ones. 

Things rarely turn out you think they will & time has a way of surprising you in the end. I couldn't have imagined my life this way 3 or 4 years ago, but now, I can't imagine it any other way.

I don't hate anyone anymore. I'm not holding grudges. I know now that an opinion doesn't make me right, it just means it's my opinion. If someone wants to believe they are right & I'm wrong, it's fine. It won't wreck my world & I'll still wake up the same person tomorrow. 

2012 is almost here & my new adventures will begin & I can't wait to see what the future holds for me!

Hot Button Topics For Parents With Daughters

Ok, so I have been seeing a lot on the news, Facebook, & other social networking sites about issues with little girls.

Well, I am here today to talk about some of those things & give MY opinion on what I think & also, so gather some information for anyone who is wondering about these hot button topics.

I'll go over: Ear Piercing, Beauty Pageants, Make-Up & clothing choice.

To be fair & fore worn everyone, I am VERY blunt in what I say & you may not like my opinion & that is ok, just beware.

Beauty Pageants:


What is a GOOD age to start allowing your child do them? Do you allow them as babies & start them off young? OR do you let them make the choice at an older age?

Have you seen the show "Toddlers & Tiaras" ... If you have not let me take a moment to fill you in. 3 year olds wearing FAKE boobs, bras & getting spray tans. Fake teeth & hair extent ions. NO respect for their parents & don't even get me started at the MONEY they spend. Wow. Which they could be putting some of that back for the child's education. Here is a link from CNN about the show.

In pageants like this, how can you be PRO pageant? It seriously makes me question people.

 What does it teach them:
Looks are everything
They can have ANYTHING they want
It's ok to disrespect everyone they meet, including their parents
They are better then others
Other things are not important
Teaches them to be shallow(that is a given)
Money .. errr ... it's endless & cost doesn't matter when it comes to pageants & attire
the list is endless.

The "PROS" of a pageant ... of there are any:
Helps them learn people skills(I have a hard time getting that one)
Self esteem builder
Poise
Grace
Present one self in public(if you have seen T&T then this one is NON existent, those kids are terrible in public!

Ok so there is the run down of it all. .. . You may not think there is ANY harm in a simple pageant here & there & maybe there isn't but the risk of what it could potentially do to your child is high & to me it is not worth it.

There is NO way I would let my daughter compete in a pageant under the age of 15. PERIOD. Anything below that is to young. If one day she decides on her own she'd like to enter one, we'll talk about it & make a decision together as a family.


Ear Piercing 

When to do it is the question.

This was an issue on a group that I am in on Facebook, someone asked what everyone thought about it & when a good age was to do it.

My thoughts:

A person should decide for THEMSELVES if they want their body altered. They should be able & ALLOWED to make that choice. Why should someone make that choice for us? Tattoos aren't given until over 18 years old, so why do people think it is ok to go out & pierce up their daughters before they even know where their ears are? I think the child should be able to ASK for it herself.

Someone said in that group "it's not a big deal" ... um YES it is. Everything I do, every choice I make for my child is a big deal. Sad some don't see it that way. Which brings me to the safety part of it:


The official word from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) is that parents should wait until their daughter is old enough to care for the ear piercing herself. Plus, the AAP doesn’t recommend you pierce your baby’s ears, since there is a higher risk of an infant accidentally swallowing the tiny earrings.

If you are dead set on piercing a baby’s ears, the AAP recommends that you try to wait until two weeks after your baby has her first tetanus shot (which occurs at two months). So, if you want your baby to have gold studs, wait until she’s at least two months old.

Some pediatricians do recommend that you wait until all rounds of tetanus are given. (Infants are given tetanus shots as part of their regular vaccination schedule at 2, 4, 6, and 15 months old.).

I believe that you decide to pierce your child's ears that early, because "it's cute" or "adorable" ... that is simply vanity on your part. Has  nothing to do with anything else. You want to show off how cute your daughter is by having holes punched in her undeveloped ears. It's that simple.

Some people do it for other reasons besides vanity:


Parents choose to pierce their baby’s ears for a variety of reasons. Some parents pierce their baby’s ears because they believe it’s less painful at such a young age. Others pierce for more practical reasons – It solves gender identification problems in girls. Plus, strangers on the street won’t mistakenly assume a girl baby is actually a boy. The little diamond studs tell it all.


There’s also a cultural element to baby ear piercing. In some cultures or communities, it’s customary for a baby girl’s ears to be pierced. Infant ear piercing may also be a family custom.

For me:

I'll allow Alexa to have hers pierced when she is old enough to ask me herself & appreciate it. I also want it to be something memorable for us to do together, may not seem like a "big deal" to some, but it is to me.

Make-up

Whether or when to let your daughter wear makeup is a highly personal choice that differs among everybody. Many of our fondest memories of childhood include dressing up in mommy’s clothes and shoes and trying out her makeup. We wanted to be just like her. Now your daughter is interested in experimenting with your makeup, and you’re wondering what you should do about it. First of all, consider it a form of flattery. She wants to make herself look beautiful, just like you!

However, one of the most important and often overlooked lessons that you can teach your daughter is that she is already beautiful, just the way she is! These days our daughters are being bombarded with images of plastic “perfection,” in which beauty is classified as one specific look—usually the one that involves collagen.

Many mothers worry that teaching their daughters about makeup will help to perpetuate these myths that women need to look a certain way in order to be beautiful. But if you approach makeup in a sensitive way with your daughter, there’s no reason she can’t have some fun with makeup if she is interested. Young girls should feel free to explore their femininity, playing with makeup and experimenting with hairstyles. Being open with your daughter and encouraging her to explore her femininity can be a healthy way to build self-esteem.

In my opinion, allowing your daughter to wear makeup is fine, but she should never be made to feel that she isn’t pretty enough without it. Here are some tips for helping your daughter enjoy makeup without taking away from her self-image.

The age you ask:

I think 13 is a good age to START to introduce lip glosses & & simple things. Why that late you say, well why would she NEED to wear it before then? Even 13 to me is still very young.

Clothing


As young girls seek to assert their own identities, they are inclined to look to women they admire in pursuit of lifestyles to mimic. Confronted with ambiguous age boundaries and bombarded with popular cultural icons, a sexual pandemic is spreading as fashions trickle down into their closets and cultures. Fueled by influential media and an overly provocative clothing market, today's young females are rocketing into adult behaviors at young ages, and multiple risks are along for the ride.



Some parents raise voices of alarm at this cultural trend of young girls growing up too fast and may seek ideas for guiding their youth to embrace standards they both can agree on. In response to expressions of public concern, the American Psychological Association formed the Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls to research the issue. The task force defined sexualization as the occurrence of one or more of four circumstances: when a person's value comes solely from his or her sexual appeal or behavior; when a person is held to a standard that equates physical attractiveness (which is narrowly defined) with being sexy; when a person is sexually objectified; or when sexuality is inappropriately imposed upon a person.

While some parents express concern over these issues, some are likely to wonder why it is even an issue in the first place. Isn't it OK for their girls to be sexy and hot? Isn't it good for their daughters to be popular and attract boys' attention? What's the big deal? Truth be told, it is a big deal because of the consequences that almost always come hand-in-hand with trying to look sexy and hot at a young age. When a girl focuses too much on her physical appearance, she places her self-esteem, emotional and physical health, academic achievement, and sexual safety on the chopping block. And one of the primary avenues she's taking to the guillotine is found in her everyday media choices.

Ok it's everywhere, media, books, TV, music, advertisements, ...  So how to avoid it?

Be on top of your daughters closet, her friends, her outings. Stay tuned in.

Ok, gotta take a break for now ... whew!

Comments are welcome!