I moved!

This blog has moved!

I have moved on over to WordPress!

http://highheelsandanapron.wordpress.com/

A new name as well!

See you there!

In search of a new home.

As you've read(or maybe you haven't), we moved our family an hour away from our normal "home". Arden, North Carolina has proven to be a great place, so far. We were super ecstatic to move here & start a new life with our daughter(we also have a baby girl on the way).

 

After the move, I started to miss church. Since moving here almost 3 months ago, we haven't attended ANY church & I feel it heavy on my heart. Back in Rutherford County, NC we attended the family church & loved it there. It was very accepting, warm & a wonderful atmosphere to be in every Sunday, I loved it! But since we know basically only a handful of people here, finding our new church home has been difficult.

 We had Alexa dedicated at our other church & we made a promise to God that we would continue to keep her active in church & right now we have not held our end of the deal up ...

Soo ... I used the tool I had at hand - GOOGLE.

 

A strange thought ran through my mind about "Mega" Churches & the wonderment set in. I had never -ever- been a fan of big show off type churches & have really shyed away from any sort of denomination. Even though I was raised Southern Baptist. I just felt like I loved the freedom to worship, sing & shout at during a services if I felt the Lord moving through me like a gust of wind. This was surly frowned upon in most SB churches that I have ever attended. 

My quest to find somewhere to attend church brought me to a Mega Church not far from out house. How could this be? I had been so against it in the past, where was my sudden interest coming from?

Upon doing some research & praying, I figured this was the Lord's way of shedding some light on where we were meant to be.

I love the contemporary type churches, the music, the word, the translation. I really heed to what is going on, apposed to a very quiet, gospel type service. In my experience, some people have a hard time paying attention to things if they don't find them understandable. Which is why I think for pastors, it is super important to make worship comprehendable for everyone, preaching in a way that people today can relate to.

 People are FREE to interpret the Bible how they want to. It is full of song, metaphors & riddles. The fact of the matter is, it was written many times over by people who read it how they saw it & no interpretation could be %100 correct. I love when worship explains that & they go through different reasons & don't throw it at you saying "This IS what this means". I need an understanding pastor in my life, one who won't cast stones & has a very humble, compassionate heart. No doubt sometimes we do need to be held accountable for our mistakes ect, but who wants someone to make them feel terrible all the time?

A HUGE reason for my choice, is the fellowship. I want/NEED it. Since moving away from close friends & some family, I have a strong need to fill the void. I do have a Brother & SIL here, thankfully. The nursery for the babies is quite impressive & the security is pretty awesome. I've longed for the days where I can sit in worship & not struggle with Lex or have to get up & leave in the middle. This is also a great way for her to be social with other children her age. I'm sure there are tons of little ones in there just waiting for someone like her to play with! :)

I want to go to church excited, ready learn & looking forward to what's next. I want to pray with others & listen to stories, I miss that. Having been a church goer since I can remember it is almost built into my DNA & when I don't go, I feel incomplete somehow. But we're gonna fix that!

I'm excited for Sunday & to explore new waters(faith wise) & to meet some great new people.

Maybe I'll meet some fellow preggos too lol. I'm looking at this as an opportunity, adventure & a way to let God bless my life, while we glorify His!

I will update with our adventure. Stay tuned!

A few months with an update.

It's been a few months, whew it's been a busy few to say the least.

We took Alexa to the beach for our very FIRST family vacation, though it was MUCH needed & I was super thankful to be able to go, she didn't care for it to much. The sand on her feet was foreign & she wasn't able to crawl around outside, and as expected the beach side is where we spent most of our time. She was rather unpleasant for most of the trip. Not to mention she caught a nasty little cold while we were there & the poor thing just couldn't catch a break! But we did catch a few laughs, photos & her first steps there, so it will def be a trip to remember for time to come.

Spending time with Brian was great :) We went with his parents so it was nice to have a buffer there to help us out with Lex so we could enjoy each other.

After our trip we came home to a nice(and clean might I add) house :) It is so nice to go on vacation but the return home feels like a million bucks .... especially after traveling with a toddler!

We had our ultrasound for the new baby & discovered we are having another little girl :) I couldn't have wanted it any different. We are over joyed with excitement about her upcoming arrival :)
Brian says "It's his lot in life to be surrounded by beautiful women" haha.

My appt also revealed I will be having a procedure done after I deliver. Quite the scaring phone call & to make matters worse, I was alone. I expected it to say the least, since it can be hereditary & my mother had cervical cancer when she was my age, causing a full hysterectomy at 26 years old. I don't have cancer, but it could lead into that if not taken care of soon. So ... this baby girl will be my last. I knew I only wanted two kids anyways, just scary that I didn't have the final say I guess.

We are now working on the new "nursery" for baby girl & Alexa. They will have to be sharing a room(large one though) for the time, but I think it is looking beautiful & whimsical like I wanted, so I am very pleased with it.

We have chosen a name for our newest addition, but are choosing to keep it quite for the time. People have a way of giving their opinions when they aren't wanted/needed & frankly, I could care less what anyone has to say these days.

Just the other day I was online & a "mommy" page I ran across had some discussion going on & the girl who posted got down right nasty with people about their parenting choices & really got under my skin. For the longest time, I have battled those who THINK they are better then everyone else based on some simple parenting technique they picked up online, in a book, or some crazy thought they had run through their closed mind. I had about enough of the looks, the snarky comments & obvious judgement. I usually do try to keep an open mind about things & never try to jump to conclusions or take sides, but that me was g.o.n.e. & I was not going to be walked on anymore, especially since it is something I feel so strongly about, MY ability to mother.

Since we have chosen to partial vaccinate, we get heat from both sides, either those who are COMPLETELY against it or those who are TOTALLY for it. We are right in the middle. I choose to co-sleep then moved her to her own bed(with success, despite people saying it would be hard or she wouldn't do well) & of course their were people who didn't like it & had their own snippy & snide comments about babies co-sleeping & then those who think kids should sleep with their parents until college. *Sigh* I didn't do CIO(Cry It Out for those who don't know the abbr) until Lex was 9 months, not because I think it is wrong ... well let me say this: I think a newborn shouldn't CIO. Just MO, people are free to let their little ones learn at an early age(birth) to cry themselves to sleep, but I won't do it. Babies need comfort, understanding, compassion & mercy -- just like adults. They also get lonely & want companionship, so why leave them alone all the time? Anyways, I didn't do the CIO until she was 9 months old & with some tweaking got my own routine down with her & nope she doesn't CIO every night, sometimes we rock her, sometimes she will lay right down & sometimes, she will fuss. So again we caught crap from every side of the fence. We don't get our methods from reading or watching what everyone else does, we get it from inside, our instinct & what we as mom & dad feel is right for our own children. Even how I want to give birth seems to be a concern to other people, not that it is their business, they just make appoint to voice their opinions. These are just a FEW of many many things I have been given "opinions" about. How this is what I should do, or that is not how they would do it ... blah blah blah. I am just sick to death of those know-it-alls. Really I am. I have completely shut down & concluded I do not like the idea of having mommy friends & I just can't compete with people who feel so strongly about their "ideas" of how they do things & that it is the only way.

Oddly, this type of pushy, opinionated, & judgmental person is who I used to be not so long ago. But, I've learned to hold my tongue & to be nice & to give advice not judgement, when asked of course...So I try to understand when people act this way & try not to judge them for being judgmental(make sense?) I do have my own opinions on things, but I don't express it ways that will be hurtful or I just don't say anything at all. Most of the time it does no good anyways, people will do & think as they want.

Brian is loving his job. It has proven to be the best he has ever had & the move to South Asheville, has improved our lives more then I can say. I whisper a thank you to God, Brian & my brother quite often for this. Being stable, financially,is blessing enough, but the fact that he loves it so much, makes it so much better. He deserves it! 4 years of hard work getting an Engineering Degree, lists of crappy jobs & pay & it has finally paid off for him. Way to go, Brian! We're hoping by the end of the year(possibly before the new baby gets here) he can apply for the job he really wants, same company of course, but this job is better paying, secure & is right up is ally, education wise -- that is our goal :)

I saw some quotes the other day & just wanted to share:

**No one will ever understand my love for you, after all you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside** <--- how true :)

**I have a marriage more beautiful than any wedding** <--- I really think this is true for Brian & I, we eloped & we have a near perfect marriage. We still have spats & argue from time to time, but we really have a wonderful relationship with equality & love. I think God has really blessed me with him <3

**Forget what hurt you ... but not what it taught you** <--- Nuff said

A little rant never hurt anyone ...

A few things have been bothering me & on my mind the last few weeks. Not that I am going to call anyone out.

As I've grown up(wow I am a grown up! How'd I ever let that happen?), I have come to realize some things about "friends". I've learned there are lots of different types of friends a person can have. Lets go through the list of a few of them:

Bare with me, this blog is a long one ;)

The "Flaky Friend"

She’s skilled at making plans. Frequent texts, constant emails—she wants to hang out this weekend! She’s dying to catch up! But come Friday night, she bails. Or, even worse, she just ignores your calls. A few weeks later, she’s back in your inbox, apologizing for breaking the previous plan (Things got crazy) and wanting to set up another date, which she’ll inevitably miss. Her flakiness is not only frustrating, but it makes you feel bad about yourself. You’ll find yourself asking, “Is it me?” (It’s not.) Ditch the Flaky Friend, and clear your calendar for the friends who actually want to spend some quality time together.

The "User"

The user stands alone in how every step she takes is purposeful and deliberate….This friend can be enticing and charismatic and knows how to wheedle her way into one’s life and firmly entrench herself. She also has a hidden agenda and, to this end, considers what is best for her. You may have something she wants, needs to use or just be a convenience type of thing, your there & it's perfect timing for them to use you for the day, week or whatever. After that, it's like they never even knew you.

The "Discloser"

When you say to this friend, "This is just between us," she nods her head but unfortunately that promise will last only as long as it takes her to get to her phone or e-mail. Although there should be an assumption of confidentiality and trust between friends, this friend can't help herself. Telling this person a secret makes her feel vulnerable and uncomfortable. Like the game "hot potato," she has to pass the hot secret along to someone else in order to relieve the anxiety knowing the secret made her feel. There are also some Disclosers who simply have a big mouth. If someone you know has this personality trait, avoid telling her your innermost secret -- unless you don't mind if it's shared with the world.

The "Self-absorbed"

Certainly the Self-absorbed is a tamer type of negative friend than the Risk-taker. Still, especially over the long haul, a friend who does not make the time to listen to you will eat away at your self-esteem. For you to feel good about yourself, and for your friendship to thrive, you have to be more than a sounding board. The Self-absorbed does not care; she listens to you only because she is waiting to speak.

The "Promise Breaker"

This friend constantly disappoints you or breaks promises, most likely because she herself was constantly disappointed during her formative years. Your friend is unable to stop herself from repeating that pattern. It is an annoying but comfortable pattern for your friend, and without psychological help, it may be hard for her or him to alter this pattern. You could abandon the friend and the friendship, or you could find a way to detach yourself by lowering your expectations for this friendship. If she promises to do something for you, even to meet you for a cup of coffee, you can say, "Sure," but protect yourself by knowing, in the back of your mind, that this friend "nine times out of 10" is going to cancel on you.

The "Absentee" 

You never see each other.  You never hang out, and when you do manage to catch them, they spend the entire time on their phone, texting and tweeting.  They only stay for a little while before rushing off to do something else... Effectively making you feel like you're not interesting enough for them... but you've been friends for years, so you let their behavior slide while passive aggressively texting another friend about them.

The "Compulsive Liar "

Everything this person says stinks of over exaggeration.  It's like, they don't know how to have a conversation with you without trying to make you feel like your life is diddly squat compared to theirs.  It doesn't do any good to point out when you catch them in a lie, either, because they'll just try to worm their way out of it.

The "Shit Stirrer"

This person loves drama. They start crap (intentionally or unintentionally) by saying things.  Planting seeds. A favorite example of mine is that a few months back, a person and I were talking about a girl she knows and she says "Yeah, she doesn't like you."  Well, I had met her once, for about five minutes, so I thought that was a rather harsh judgment.  Later she admitted she never actually said that, but that he just assumed she wouldn't like me because we both have such strong personalities.  Kind of makes me wonder what she says about me when I'm not around. If they gossip with you, chances are they will gossip about you. Something to think about.

The "I'm Bored"

No matter what, it's not enough for this person.  I'm a relatively low key kind of girl.  I'm not a big dancer or drinker (hey hey hey, ANYMORE!), I prefer to sit in a booth and talk to a couple of good friends rather than get Snooki-Making-Out-With-A-Bush wastey pants... but I have a few friends that find that sort of stuff disdainful.  Which makes me wonder, if we can't have a good time having a conversation, why are we friends?

The "Fair Weather"

If things are going good in your life, this person is around 24/7.  Maybe you have some extra money and they want to help you spend it.  Maybe you have a new connection at a local bar.  Or maybe you're just the most fun person ever.  When things are good.  However, when things get bad, your BFF is nowhere to be found.  They can't handle broke you.  Or sad you. Or when they have just found something a little more fun then hanging out with you.

The "Hopper"

This friend is one of those people who have a different best friend every day of the week. One week they are up your butt & the next they have a new BFF. Usually they come around when they have no one else left of everyone is busy & your the only one who has time. But watch out next week when they get a new boyfriend they have a new best buddy to go along with it. Forgetting that last week they were your bestie. Hopping from one friend to another must be exhausting, but some people make it a sport & do it like a pro! 

Ahhhh ... "The Gossip" 

I wanted to touch on this because this is probably the MOST common type of friend & we ALL have one in our lives. This person is just that, a gossip. Talks about everyone to you & tells you all the stuff they really shouldn't be telling you. They get excited when they have information & can't help themselves to blab someone's business to the world(or to just someone in general). Now, when you think about this person in your life(you are, aren't you) why is it we never assume they are talking about us the same exact way? Of course they are! My gosh! It has taken me awhile to get this theory through my thick head but I think I have finally caught on. The thing about this person & they are so unsuspecting. Flying below the radar, which is probably why we never really realized it to begin with. The people they gossip about are usually the ones who they claim to be BFF's with. They tell the tales one day & the next are buddy buddy with that poor individual who thinks they have a great friend on their hands ... Tsk Tsk Tsk.

The "Complainer"

We all have one of these. This person constantly complains about everything under the sun. Health, work, money, spouse, kids. I mean there is nothing unworthy of complaining about to this person. Pretty much a self pitty type of person who can't be happy unless there is something to fuss about.  

The "do gooder does wrong"

This fun person does bad things & plays the part of the perfect person. They confide & tell things they have done or are doing, then play the "everything is wonderful" card. Pretty self explanatory.

The "Partier"

Party friends are all over the place. These are those girls(or guys) who are only your friend simply because you can throw back a few drinks together & get loud. If you were having a quiet night at home, I'm sure they'd find something more fun to do then sit on your couch & hang out.

Now these are just a few of the many types of friends that we should all AVOID at all costs. Sadly, I can admit that I know a few of these types & yep I sure do call them, dare I say it, friends. 

I have come to the conclusion that most of the people that I once thought were friends of mine, actually are not. The did hold some purpose in my life but it wasn't to be a lasting & true friend. Though this makes me sad to even think, I believe it is for the best. My ventures have taken me new places & new things, hence new friends. Life outside of good ole Ruff Town is a lot different. It's funny once you leave a place, the people you knew seems to vanish into thin air. 

Your now going through the list trying to figure out which one you are or have been, it's inevitable, we have ALL been one or more of these friends in our life at some point. No one person is exempt.

The concept "friends can still be friends & not speak every day". While I think this statement holds lots of truth. My belief is that you HAVE to put fourth the effort when it truly counts. The road to friendship square is a 2 way. There does have to be efforts on both sides, it can never be one sided unless your one of those pushovers who does it all, in which case you really can't complain about the other party not doing their part.  I have friends whom I've known virtually my entire life & nope I sure don't speak to them daily, maybe not even weekly, but the thought remains that I know they are there when truly needed & hopefully the feeling is the same. This group is small a handful, but none the less I know they exist. But I don't agree that you can use this just to be a "sumatime" friend. We all get busy in hustle & bustle of everyday life & can't always remember to call or send a text to say hey, but when we do it counts. If you say we're friends then there should be some action showing it somewhere.

The last few months have been extremely hard for me. My dad passed away a few months back (Jan 9th) & as he died I started to see things through new eyes. Maybe it was him leading me, I don't know.  Of all the friends(I thought I had), ONE friend stopped to see me. No she didn't call, she didn't text. She just came by, just to ask "how are you?" & to give me a much needed hug. (Maybe a parent passing away isn't a big deal to some, who knows. But it will be when it happens to them.) Ashley, was my one friend who came to see me. Yes we have had our fights & I have said some mean things to her & about her over the last decade. But the point was that she was there. I really didn't want to see anyone nor did I want to talk, but she gave me a hug & in that moment, I felt loved. For that I am grateful. Not saying that I didn't have those who called me, because I did & I appreciate those phone calls & talks. 2 days before my dad died I had emergency surgery, which made things a tad worse, because I was unable to spend that time with him & my family while I was in the hospital. After his death & I healed I ended up losing a close friend(no not in death, but friendship) & through that many hurts came. You would think through all the turmoil, a new & great friend would emerge from the ashes. But honestly, I was not looking for it.  But I realized I do have some pretty awesome friends & this includes 2 sisters, a husband, 3 friends I've had for years & a couple I've known my whole life. That is more than I could ever ask for & I am really blessed to have them all in my life.

I myself have fallen guilty of these things many times. I do try to use my facebook for GOOD positive things. I do try NOT to blast people on there & to hold my tongue. I try not to talk about other people & I think I do ok doing it. Not saying that it never happens because like everyone else I am human & bound to make a mistake. But some people make it their soul purpose to talk about others, put others down, gossip & blast people, using their social networking connections in a way that is bad & to take a jab at someone else & then claim to be a christian or God fearing person. No judgement, just stating the facts here & to me that is just not something I want to be apart of.

When I think of the kind of woman I want to be things like this come to my mind:
I want to go to church(we do).
I want to be a GOOD decent wife, who doesn't cheat or mess around.
I don't take drugs, or pills & rarely ever drink.
I want to be a good mother to my child. No yelling & constant cussing or swearing around her.
I want to be a GOOD friend to those who I cherish. Be there when I can & lend an ear to listen.
Not run & tell everything I know about everyone to everyone.
Keep my house clean & pay my bills on time.

These are the things I TRY to do every single day. I live by a certain standard to keep myself in check.

I do get lazy & sometimes I don't want to clean(must be the hormones).  I get mad at my husband & lose my temper. But never would dream of leaving him OR Alexa. Good wives & mothers just don't do that. I slip here & there & say things I am not supposed to, no excuse for it. I should have better self control. We are all imperfect. No doubt about it. But who do you try to live? Who are you trying to be & what kind of example are setting for your children? Just something to think about.

Ok enough on friends .. for now that is.

Late night/early morning rambles ...

Mostly this blog is a result of insomnia introduced by a waking baby ... Yep I'm tired, but I can't sleep so I'll write. This may be more of a ramble then anything specific :P

Lots of new developments in the Land of the Lawson's.

Looks like we'll be adding to our little family come Fall. If you thought you read that, you are correct! Alexa will be a cute "Big Sister".

Though the initial shock has yet to wear off, I'm starting to get used to the idea & the anger I felt about it has subsided. I always knew I wanted a few kids & wanted them semi close in age, I just was not prepared for this. I guess the Lord has other plans for us. 

In other news:

Brian started his new CAREER at Eaton :) Working on the Engineering degree he earned! Makes me proud. There is one hiccup in our little plan of him working there .. The GAS. My gosh it's high & it is only going to go up from here =/ 

With the truck we're spending(not to throw out finances out there) about $1000 a month. Now this is just his gas. So with rent & gas we're spending almost $1500 bucks just in that, not including any other bills, food or savings! We have done sized some things & sold a car to get out a payment, but it just is not enough. Crazy huh? So .... we're planning moving to Arden very soon. My sister in law's mom is a real estate agent & has put us in contact with a mortgage company & has qualified us to buy a house! YAY! Now we just have to get up there & start the process. I loath renting, just an FYI. 

I've been going to church with Bonnie & Larry a lot here lately & have really enjoyed it! I know that God is working in my life & has really humbled my soul. l have changed a lot of the music I listed to as well, it just makes me feel better. I still have tons to work on in myself, but I'm getting there. I like Alexa there too. Brian works almost 7 days a week(till he gets caught up) so he doesn't go most times, sadly. This Sunday we're having her baby dedication & I am super excited, makes a mama proud :)

Ok, so what time is it ... 3:03 a.m. arg ...

3:05 now ...

Writers block maybe lol. I really need sleep.

I haven't slept good in a month or better. I'm up with Alexa at night, up with her during the day, it's exhausting! Don't get me wrong motherhood is the BEST gift anyone can ever get & life would be SO lonely without children, but it is the most CHALLENGING task you will ever be given. It's def not for the weak or squeamish lol.

3:07 ....

I was thinking of people who hold grudges the other day & how tiring it must be for them. No

 judgement. But if you think about how much energy people put into hating someone ALL the time, the other person really isn't the one affected, the person doing all the hating is. Why waste your precious time & energy on that? Why think about someone ALL the time that you don't even like? I don't know. I gave up grudge holding thing a long time ago. I guess you know your there when you can wish someone well & not have anything bad to say about them. That is when you truly know your past any hard feelings. 

On my way home this afternoon(or yesterday afternoon) "Jesus Bring The Rain" came on 106.9 & oddly it was raining. I just felt like it was meant for me to hear at that moment. I've been struggling with a few things & the Lord is really working on my pride issues & trying to break me of some bad habits. 

3:14 ...

I didn't win the big lottery! Darn! I heard on the news at like 5:00 we(usa) spent 1.7 BILLION dollars just on this drawling alone! Man that is a lot of wasted cash! We could have paid down our debt with that LOL.

Maybe the Sand Man is on his way to see me ;)

Perfection? I think not.

We all have a standard of living that we expect people to meet. Although our views on what that might be vary from person to person, it is still there.

But what gives us the right to tell people how they should live? 

Why is it people constantly talk about other people, when their lives have nothing to do with each other?

Even if we THINK we know what is best, does that come with proof? Does it come with truth?

Pregnancy & parenting are the TOP the charts in my book.

If you DO NOT have kids or you are not pregnant -- keep your opinions to yourself no one likes to hear advice from people who don't know what they are talking about.

If your a new mom, rest assured you DO NOT have all the answers.

I have had TONS of people give me advice & tell me what they think is best for me & my child, but really have no idea.

I think my method of parenting is far from perfect -- FAR. But I am raising my child the best way I know how, with love.

Though it may not be the way everyone else does things or maybe it is, but who is to judge me for that? She is fed, healthy, clean, taken care of & loved -- is that not enough? No. To some, maybe more than most, there are things I do wrong. Why is it their business? It's simple -- it's NOT.

Vaccines, feeding & sleeping methods seem to be on the list of things I do wrong. 

I am constantly feeling like I have to defend my self & why I do things the way I do, well I am not doing it ANY more. 

Alexa had a doctors appointment today for her 6 month well visit & she is doing great! She is 14.1 pounds & as healthy as can be & I discussed with her doctor things that I have heard I SHOULD be doing & he assured me that NO I should not, because of her size, we are doing everything just fine. Not perfect, but doing good.

When someone chooses to have children, whether they are married or not, whether they have a job, a car, or own a house. No matter their relationship status, no matter how long they have known their partner -- how is ANY of that YOUR business? If it does NOT directly affect you in some way -- how about butting OUT? Please save the welfare talk for someone who cares enough to listen, because I have heard that same song & dance a million times before. If you get taxes back -- your not REALLY paying anyone's bill like you think ... just sayin'.

If someone works & they put into the system just like you do, well then you still aren't footing their bill, they are, right? I mean, get real -- it's life & that is the way the world turns.

If you don't live other people's lives so you really shouldn't care so much about what goes on in it. 

In the grand scheme of things, I bet all these judgmental people who claim to be so perfect & act like they have the perfect life, aren't so great & while the rest of the world lives here in reality, it will be a hard fall when those others get bumped off that high horse.

Alexa had her first professional portraits done by a wonderful photographer(no it wasn't me LOL ).

Megan Bumgarner is AWESOME! One of the best around, she has talent & poise. 

Look her up if you want portraits done!

 Being a mother is the best gift ever & having a daughter -- there is nothing like it!